3 May 2022

Loving you felt like it was going to hurt.

So I didn’t. I stopped myself just in time.

You called me star

Trust the Universe - you said

"Don’t hold back" - while I held you

With moonstruck eyes

Teetering on the edge of falling

 

But

 

I have been torn up

Too many times - tear sick

To trust that love is all you need.

This sense of unease

Is what I hope love isn’t.

 

You said you loved me but really it was fear.

 

I watched the wanting in your words

Unfold, from a detached place

Watched a memory of me, fall

Crack her heart open

On the crazy paving

Losing herself in “you.”

 

This time I stayed whole.

 

You say I am made of ice

Because I did not give myself to you

My smile is serene 

But I am made of granite

I refused to melt in your grasp

And become a part of you.

 

Can’t you see I’m better when I’m whole?

 

I told you my red lines

On day one.

You crossed them anyway.

That’s how I knew that we were done.

 

Love is an abstract word

With many meanings

If you cannot be a light in my darkness

If you cannot see me, it’s not real

 

You were the one that went mad in the end.

It was nothing to do with me.

​

I’m not a star I’m a fucking constellation.